oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
