put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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