She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
