I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
