This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
