Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i wish my penis had a tongue
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
