apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
