Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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