so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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