i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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