I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize