your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
