if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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