dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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