Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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