He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
