You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
