What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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