If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
