Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
