I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
