is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
