piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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