I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
