READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just invented taco cereal.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
