Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize