dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
