so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Floor bacon is actually really good
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
