I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
