So drunk its hurt
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize