Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
