Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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