i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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