The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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