Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
They have beer where we have blood.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
