i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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