I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
