You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Every concussion has its silver lining
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
