I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
