Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
