I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize