I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
