it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Sext me about skeletons
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
