then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
His nipple licking is glorious
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