I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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