I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Farmville is her only friend.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
