sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
