I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
