im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
