I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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