If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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