ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
do herpes really smell.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize