Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
