in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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