1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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