I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
