I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
His nipple licking is glorious
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