literally had 100 drinks last night.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
