my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize