I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
