Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
