when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
