I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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