I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
