just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
