She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize