I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
