So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
