oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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