I faked an abortion last night.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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