I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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