he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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