apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
