Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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