Yo dont text me then not text me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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