Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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