He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
