Pappa wants mamma naked
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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