does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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