My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
