I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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