I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think people are normalizing furries
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
