my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
