DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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