saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
