we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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