i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
