My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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