Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
