I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
