Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have demons in me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
