From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
