KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
