My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
