If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
