Im at strip club and am horny
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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