Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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