no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize